On piped in music

I fully acknowledge that I sound like my grandmother (it's okay- she's a cool lady) but I have to vent-- I loathe piped in music. I think it's lame and unnecessary. Why can't there just be silence? Can we not just sit quietly or have conversation anymore? In the words of the Grinch, I am sick of the "noise, noise NOISE!"

I am starting to lose it at work. We play the same loop of music over and over. In a four hour shift, it's quite possible that I'm going to hear Elton John's "Philadelphia Freedom" four times. One more time, and I'm going to Philadelphia Freak out in the antibacterial hand soap section. I am going to be so pissy if they ruin Christmas music for me during the holidays.

Today my mom and I ate lunch at the Green Mill and I experienced what I can only call an audio assault or a war on my ears, if you will. We were seated and then forced to listen Christina Aguilera (Gag-uilera), followed by Usher (oh my god, make it stop), and then... Paris Hilton (Um, I enjoyed my food, do you want me to barf it up?) After that it was a techno remix of The Pussycat Dolls "beep" (no, I'm not kidding).

Not only did it suck it was all WAY TOO LOUD. Is this music anyone would choose to dine to? I don't think so!

It was at this point that I jokingly thought to myself, "Why not just play 'Scars' by Papa Roach?"

Those of you who know me well, know that if that song comes on the radio, I can't change it fast enough. Something about it makes me ill. Guess what the next song was? -- of course. Thank you Gods of Irony.

The pain only continued with uber-whiny punk like "Perfect" by Simple Plan. At this point, I didn't care how well they cooked my burger. I just wanted to get the hell outta there.

The point is, we shouldn't pipe in this stuff. Music is about personal taste and a restaraunts would be better served saving money on XM radio and just letting people sit comfortably and eat in peace. Really, do you know anyone who would go out to Applebees and leave in disgust saying, "Ugh, they don't have any music! You could hear a pin drop. This is disgusting, let's leave and head to Chuck E. Cheese!"

In Bismarck I often went to eat by myself and I didn't mind the quiet! Besides, if the silence had been awkward, do you think Paris Hilton moaning like a dying cat would help? NO!

People want to chat with their friends at lunch and it's totally possible that people can shop without noise. Our lives are noisy enough as it is. So I guess my point is....


SHHHHHH!

Fashion is out of touch

So last night I tuned in to Project Runway for the season finale. That was fun and all but sometimes this show just irks me.

The show is all about being the "next American designer" but who are they really designing for? -- A TINY portion of the population. The average American woman today is a size 12.

Here is why Project Runway (and fashion in general) doesn't get it.

In one episode Tim Gunn refers to a designer's model as "zaftig" and the designer complains "I can't design the waist right on this garment because my model is too big." The model's size?

SIX! If you can't figure out how to make a waist on a size 6 model, then you're not a very good designer.

In another episode, each designer had to design a look for another's designer's mother *or in some cases, sister.* Not suprisingly, the five women who were plus size, were chosen last and several designers were complaining, "Ugh. I don't know how to design for this shape."

Um. The only difference in shape is that plus size women actually have one!! A heavyset woman still has two arms, two legs, a torso and a head. Why is this rocket science?

Michael was one of the designers who had a thin family member to model for him. He made a very cute shirt dress. Why can't a plus size woman wear a shirt dress? Just cut it to her size. Obviously, she's bigger, you're not going to hide that so just make it to her proportion and add some darts to flatter her assets (which generally in big girls means the chest area).

All of the designers with plus women covered them in drapes of fabric without much shape. Michael Korrs, a judge said, "Oh that's nice. Plus woman look better in something that drapes."

Uh sorry? I actually feel that if you put a plus woman in a big sack, you just give her no shape and make her look lumpy. Okay, maybe I'm the lone nut on this but why can't they accept that we carry more weight around but that doesn't mean we feel ashamed or have to hide? You can't hide the fact that big women are ... big. So don't act like you need to do acrobatics to make them look presentable.

Just dress them in something that makes them comfortable... and acting like you have to hide their ugliness is not going to make them comfortable! For the most part, plus sizes can wear anything a size 6 can wear -- okay maybe not a bare midriff look but really plus size people (especially women) are not aliens, there's no reason you can't make a flattering skirt, sexy top and shrug for them!

Naturally, during last night' big runway finale I didn't see one woman who was more than a size 2 showing the designs.

There's all this discussion about "what clothes would women buy?" My response, "Uhhh, for me, maybe none. While some of those looks are pretty, I see no indication that they would ever design for my size 14/16 frame. "

*GASP...FAINT*

That was Michael Korrs fainting at the idea of a size 14/16 girl. I mean if size 6 is plus... I don't even know what that makes me!

My idea of "decorating"

Being that I have a garden level apartment, I decided I should put some holiday *or rather Falliday* cheer in my window for the people passing by. The photo is slightly obstructed by the screen, but you get the idea. It's a girl pumpkin (hence the bow) and she is hot. I named her Polly.

Contemplating serious things

"I waited patiently for the LORD, and he stooped towards me and heard my prayers.He drew me up out of the pit of destruction,out of the mud of the swamp,set my feet on a rock, steadied my steps, put a new song in my mouth;a hymn of praise to our God, many shall hear, and be awed, and put their trust in the LORD." ~ excerpt Pslam 40

So it's way late at night and I should get to bed but I feel the need to throw something out into the void.

Not sure why this is bothering me so much. My dear friend, Leigh Ann called today to chat and mentioned off-hand that I should do a story about a friend of hers. A sweet girl, by all descriptions, who is our age and a nursing student. She was feeling ill and went to student health. Hours later she was flying to Mayo clinic to begin immediate chemotherapy for leukemia.

I have been thinking of this poor girl all night.

This past April, I too had a moment of blind panic and fear. Sitting in a cold doctor's office feeling terribly uneasy... I had been in the E.R. the night before and was waiting for the results of a test to come in. My doctor entered the room and looked at my mother.

"I'm glad she's with you."

I felt like someone had put ice cold hands around my neck.

"We found a mass growing on your ovary. It's very big. It will have to be removed and we're sending you over to get a CAT scan this afternoon. This will determine more about the tumor."

Tumor?

The lump in my throat was already fully formed. I didn't start to cry, I was already sobbing, gulping in huge breaths of air. My mom was white and silent.

"Can I go get my husband?"

The doctor nodded. I remember thinking it was funny because I rarely heard my mom refer to dad as "her husband." It was always "Mark" or "dad."

Oh god. What was wrong with my body? Surgery? Was I still going to be able to have kids? Would I live that long?

My dad entered the room and I can't imagine what was going through his head as he looked at his 22 year old daughter, crying like a child.

~~~~

Looking back, I can almost roll my eyes at the dramatics of it all. I had a completely benign cyst that was removed May 17. I was up and walking within hours of surgery and nearly 100% recovered in a month.

Other than a foot long scar, I have nothing to remind me.... no pain, no long term care. I had my staples out and I healed. I am me again. Walking around whole.

But there was a moment, perhaps a whole day even where I pondered what my life would be with cancer. Tubes and tests and weakness and struggle. Maybe death. I thought of Jason, dear Jason. Could I ever be that brave, that kind and strong for my family?

I remember thinking for the first time in my life with absolute concrete conviction. "Dear God. I don't want to die."

And now I know that another human is going through the same cycle of fear. But her story isn't looking to have that humorous ending. No random tumor for her. It's an all-out battle for her life and I wish so much she didn't have to fight.

I don't even know her. But I feel like I do. I think of Jason, my grandmothers, Carol and all those luminary bags at Relay for Life. The way they glow warmly in the night emitting this message of hope is such a wonderful contrast to the heart-wrenching fear that is CANCER.

I want to thank God every second of every day that my daily complaints amount to homework, money & sleep deprivation. Thank you for not giving me a laundry list of medical procedures: chemicals, pain etc. If I someday have to go through that burden, I have had the good fortune to have a preview of what it would be like... within hours of my shocking news, friends were visiting calling and offering support.

"You'll be fine Emily."

And I was.

Now I pray for others. Never forgetting the randomness of it all-- the crazy cosmic "plan" that gives terrible trials to the undeserving and lucky breaks to others.

My new favorite song

Into the Dark
Death Cab for Cutie

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes
are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

One month and counting

Some people are psyched for horror movies (being it's Halloween-time) but I ready for ....

Happy Feet!

One month and counting until it comes to theaters! Whoo hoo!

Bring it on...

Midterms: You try and defeat me and every year I kick your ass (spoken in the true confidence of a girl who hasn't gotten her test scores back).

Trees: I've walked into two of you this week alone. It's kind of a self-confidence downer. Perhaps my prescription needs to be updated in my glasses. Or I need more sleep. Either way, I need to quit walking into tress because they made a big scratch on my face.

Feminists: HA! So funny that I could get into an argument with other feminists. But while perusing some of my fave blogs I noticed this conversation that went something along the lines of "real feminists wouldn't shave their legs or wear make-up" -- um, small minded much? It's called focusing on what matters--- like I dunno, female genital mutilation, or domestic violence? Not cover girl cosmetics. UGH!!

Snow: So you've begun. And it's only October. That's fine. I have lots of hats and huge scarves and I will totally handle whatever blizzard shit you throw at me. Nevermind we've had snow on the ground less than 24 hours and I already fell down. Bastards.

Project Runway: The finale is tonight and of course I work. Lame. Now I must somehow convince Tyler to record it for me. As a rule he hates to record Project Runway. Not sure why, maybe he feels emasculated? It doesn't really go with his NHL stuff I suppose but get over it!

Housework: Okay. I've fallen behind. Almost out of silverware and I have to hop over piles of crap in my room but dangit if I'm not gonna totally whoop my housework's bum this weekend. This place is gonna shine!

... there, a totally awesome pep talk. Now I gotta go to work :)

...
work
Boo
:*(

Hooray for good fortune

Best thing that happened to me this week was getting sick. Seriously.

I woke up Sunday morning and felt like every sound, bit of light and movement were killing me (also known as a migraine).

This was also the day I was supposed to work 9-5 at work. DRAG.

When I got to work, I apparently looked pathetic enough because they sent me right home again. I slept for three solid hours and felt much better.

Tyler and I decided to celebrate -- we took our cameras and decided to get some fresh air. Out to Turtle River we went. We were just a tish late as all the leaves had fallen but you take what you can get. I've been saying I've wanted to go look at the leaves for weeks but damn work and school kept getting in the way. OH well. we had some fun pictures


Yay happy!

My new pet ladybug. I love her.

Would have been prettier with more leaves but still pretty.

Quit following me!

A log blocks our path.... I am not happy about it. Notice the random sweater in my hand. We found it on the trail and picked it up. Tyler and I thought maybe a kid got eaten by a bear and we might need to report it to a park official.

Now sadly it's Monday and even worse -- midterm week. However, I am surprisingly not too worried. I know that all I need to do is pass my classes and I'm outta here. These tests are not the end of the world for me. I'll do my best but I'm not going to kill myself when there are pretty leaves to play in!

But now is not the time... I have to go write an essay about 14 century witch trials... whoopee.

Frickin' Eh

Just keep swimming... that's what I told myself today while playing water polo in my Phy Ed class. I am constantly picked last for a team. That's always an ego boost and then I play goalie and spend half my time treading water and deflecting balls away from my glasses. For awhile today I played offense and scored a goal.. go me. Then I nearly drowned.

Let's see, what else is new? Oh yeah. I got hit by a car yesterday.

Yeah. For real.

Riding my bike down university. La la la. Didn't even have my ipod on so I was not distracted. The streets were packed and traffic was heavy and I was coming up on an intersection where a big blue SUV was waiting to merge. I saw from the flow of traffic that he wouldn't be able to turn, also he had a stop sign and I had the right of way, not to mention I am the pedestrian and DEF. have the right of way. More than that even, I made eye contact and got the "nod" -- you know the "go ahead." As I biked closer, he began to inch forward. I remember because I distinctly made an audible "ehhhhhhh" noise at this point. Just like that BAM- he gunned it out in front of me so that the hood of his SUV was directly lined up to take me down. I screamed SO LOUD. I heard tires screech and I yanked my wheel around to avoid hitting him face on.

....

Good cliffhanger huh?

Well amazingly, I avoided getting hit but his car did hit the back of my tire and almost caused me to fall over into the street. I got over to the other side of the street and got off my bike and just stood there talking to myself. "oh my god. I nearly died. That was so lame." I didn't even get to see my life flash before my eyes. I wish I had the license number because I'm pretty sure that qualifies as a hit and run and I feel traumatized and would like to seek monetary compensation in court.

Other than that life is okay. The weather is gorgeous. I really want to get out and take pictures of the leaves. Sadly I am stuck at work or school every waking moment. Maybe I can find some time and play in the snow when that falls.

It's weird-- professors are just starting to talk about classes for next semester. It's odd to think I won't be around for that. Odd....

In other news. I hate drama. I hate it.

Blogging at work

Thank god I can get wirless internet here. It is dead in this mall. Dead dead dead. Just me sitting at a desk listening to piped in music of Natalie Merchant ("I walk these streets in carnival"). Not so delightful but beats working my butt off somewhere else. Can't complain I guess. I'm more than ready to go home and call it a day but after this have to head to Herald to work on my other job, then hopefully I can see Heathersita. There's just not enough time for friends in my life lately so it would be great to see her.

Random change of subject-- The other night I was lying in my room and all of a sudden I got really sad. Sad that I wasn't a little kid anymore living in my parent's house with mom and dad across the hall. It passed quickly. I love being an adult, grown up with my own tiny little apartment. Sometimes I love letting it get messy just so I can come home and roll my eyes at it and clean it up again. It's my little place and it's glorious. But I hope I'm not alone that sometimes I miss that security of being a child. I guess this is better but I feel vunerable often. Like I'm not trying enough, not learning enough, not being all that I can be (for lack of better wording).

Ah well. After December I have a whole new ballgame to compete in, then I have to decide if I'm ready to give up this bit of independence I've earned and move back in with someone... namely Tyler. We shall see. At times it makes so much sense. I love seeing him at the end of day and talking with him and other days obviously we want to be apart. As long as we each have our own TV and bedroom we should be fine. He watches Twins baseball, I watch Project Runway and we have differing opinions on what constitutes a "decent" hour for sleep. But he's my best friend and I think it's the next step in this relationship business. We shall see.... like I said. Okay. No more of this talk.

October is starting out funny. It feels like summer outside. Warm temps and doesn't really smell too autumn-ie most of the time. The leaves are turning and falling but I haven't had that first "whoa it's fall" feeling yet. This is my favorite time of year. I always wish I could write poetry. It also means the school year will be over in 8.2 seconds. Once it hits midterm time you blink and miss it! I just got the okay from the Dean that I am cool to graduate in December providing I pass all my classes. SAY WHUT?! Hooray! In four years too, that was my goal! It's been a rocky journey but I did it (knock on wood... unless I fail my Shape Up class).

Well I've listened to Justin Timberlake's CD and so far I feel very "eh" about it. The few songs I've heard of Fergie's also feel so-so. My next try will be Snow Patrol cause I like the song they have on the radio. Still jammin to Beyonce. I enjoy "Get me bodied" -- it's good to listen to during "Shape Up" class. I remembered that I love Brandi Carlisle and have been listening to her as well. Current fave song she does: "Fall Apart Again"

You fall apart again and you can find a friend
Don't turn to someone else because they won't understand...

Self respect, goes unexpressed
I don't dream because I cannot sleep
And I think the world of myself
But the world doesn't think much of me
As long as the day is full of time,
there will always be room for your hand in mine

You fall apart again and you can't find a friend
Don't turn to someone else because they won't understand
I don't want to hear
You say that you miss yesterday
If you don't like what you see
That means nothing to me

If you know of any music you think I'd enjoy please leave some ideas in my comment page!

Tyler made fun of me for watching Titanic last night. I just felt like seeing it again. It's been nearly 10 years! I thought of it because Showbiz Tonight was interviewing Kate Winslet about something and showed a clip of her acting in Titanic. So I had to watch it. Okay, confession time.... It still makes me cry!!! It's funny, I remember being seriously depresseed after I saw that movie in seventh grade! I was so in love with Jack Dawson, not Leo... Jack the character. There's something about the idea that a man you've never met will look at you and see all your potential and love you even though you're hanging off the back of a ship, all messed up and distressed. He basically died for Rose and with his dying breath wished the best for her. When you're in seventh grade it doesn't get much more romantic than that. I still think it's beautiful actually.

The movie is a fave of mine just for the emotional ties I have to it. I did have some questions upon watching it again. If being down that low in the ocean has a pressure of so many tons then how come we can recover Kate Winslet's frail little hair clips from the wreckage? Wouldn't they have exploded in the depths? Hmmmm. Too much time on my hands here at work. The place next door has let the phone ring about 23 times now. I am going to go answer it for them and throw it at them!! HONESTLY. Ringing phones bug me. Turn it off or pick it up!

Say what?

I have discovered that I love the phrase "say what"-- I had my first "say what" experience at the Peas concert. Never before had that phase made it into my vocabulary but there I was waving my hands in the air like I just didn't care and saying "say whhhuuutttt?" You can't say "what"-- it's gotta be whhuuuutttt.

I am going through a music revolution. I feel like I'm sick of all my cds so I am thinking of getting some more. I want to get Swollen Members and try some hip hop and I may get Fergie too. I actually like her. She was fun to listen to at the concert. Tyler downloaded Justin Timberlake (make fun all you want but the guy brought sexy back) and Beyonce who I have decided I love. Her voice makes me yearn to be a powerful back woman.

Today I discovered something. I'm in a sorority! The Bath and Body House. This morning our store had a meeting and it was a room full of girs wearing Victoria's Secret "pink" sweatpants, giggling, comparing hair tips and bar stories from the night before. You could hear snatches of conversations about men we hated and purses we must have. I had to smile to mysef. Then we were all sniffing candles and lotions-- "ooh I love this one." Not my usual scene at all but I really like these gals so I can't complain. I think I'm so used to hanging out with one or two girls or my boyfriend (thats where I am now... chips and dip and twins game.. not girlie at all!!) so all that unbridled estrogen is really different. But it's kinda fun so maybe I would have made a good sorority girl after all?

I think I'm going to have something like 7 W-2s this year. I have four jobs right now!!!! GEEZ.

Final thought before I get ready for the hockey game tonight... I am not a Nicole Richie fan at all. I think she's another vapid Hollywood socialite and I really hated when she went on Tyra Banks and whined, "Why do people make fun of me? They don't make fun of overweight people" -- Is she a nut job? That being said, on the radio, in print and on tv I have seen nearly 10 "Nicole Richie is way too thin, Nicole Richie is bulemic, Nicole Richie is anorexic" jokes in the past 24 hours alone!! Even when Nicole Richie wasn't the topic of conversation! Last night on MSNBC they interviewed Michael Clarke Duncan about his 90 pound weight loss and the anchor said "Wow, that's like a whole Nicole Richie." That is so totally uncalled for. Quit picking on her because I'd say by the looks of things she really DOES have an eating disorder so why are we making it worse? Just FYI Nicole... you are braindead if you think society doesn't make fun of fat people!

Funny quote to leave you with.. I heard this on Will & Grace last night:

"You're tacky and lewd and while I apreciate that I must be going."

That is all :)