My back hurts

Well, it's official. I'm moved out. A place I called home is empty after almost two years of living there. One of my best friends will no longer live right next door. It's sad.

Mostly I'm too tired to be sentimental. I spent the whole day moving out, and yes, I couldn't lift but I did a lot of pointing and ordering around and also a lot of cleaning. So I feel confident in saying that I have a good reason for being exhausted. It'll be crazy moving into my own place. I'll have to invite Heather over immediately to dull the pain of missing her like crazy.

It's a day full of new chapters. I had my job interview and I think it went really well. I'd love to sell jewelry. I think it would be fun to get to know people and help someone pick out an engagement ring. I have the nerdy urge to memorize birth-stones already. Mine is diamond. Gotta love being an April baby.

I must go shower off the dust I gathered while cleaning out the apartment.

What happened to May?

Quick posting

So I'm about to visit some friends with my mom, but I had a powerful urge to blog.

Life is good. Still healing and hardly notice any pain any more. Have another check-up on Wednesday and I'm hoping they'll tell me I can start driving again.

Today got some major moving done. Our lease is up at the apartment *tear* I had some great memories there and I'm giving up my friend/roomie Heather, for a shot at living alone like a big girl. All is very complicated since I can't lift more than 5 pounds and I have to be out of one place by June 1st and I can't get into my new one until June 10th. Lovely. Guess mom and dad's house will be "home" for a while longer. Good thing they love me so much.

Tuesday I have a job interview at a local jewelry store. This makes me happy. I need the money pronto and I like the idea of helping people pick out "the ring" or any nice jewelry. Hopefully I'm what they're looking for in an employee!

Last night Heather and I took Christy out for a bachelorette party G.F. style-- very low key, dinner and cocktails and much bonding and "remember when's" -- it was delightful. I would post a picture but the cord connecting my digital camera to a computer is packed in some random box... alas, I shall post a fun pic another day.

Tyler and I are really into the TV show "House" -- a medical drama. I had a very odd experience when we watched last night's episode. It dealt briefly with ovarian cancer. An ultra-sound was performed in the episode and when the doctors see a darkened spot they make some exclamations like, "Oh my god. She has maybe 2 months to live... it's more than 5 centimeters!"

Um yeah... so glad I didn't see that episode until just recently. When I had my ultrasound, I thought the doctors were looking for a problem in my gall bladder, so I thought something was weird when they kept scanning near my pelvis. I kept asking the technician, "What's that big dark spot" and she told me "Sorry, can't tell you anything." It was a dark spot EXACTLY like on the show "House." What scares me more is that my "spot" was 20 centimeters long. So I'm sure that my tech was thinking "Well, if this girl has cancer, she's gonna die." It's an eerie thing to realize, that people like her probably looked at me differently. I know my doctor did when she broke the news to me. She had the face. You know, "the face" where they're trying to reassure you a little too much... not good. I was telling this to a friend, when I found that her grandmother died of ovarian cancer--- apparently it's one of the less fun cancers (yes, I note the sick irony) but really, if you get ovarian cancer, you're doomed. So I'll say it again, Thank you God for making it a benign freaky cyst that I can joke about!!

Makes me confused though. Why don't we do more to check for ovarian cancer in women? Like ultrasounds once a year? It doesn't hurt at all! It is a pricey procudure for sure but the alternative could be death. I know during a woman's exam they use a finger and try to "feel" the ovary but I had just had an appointment in December and my doctor didn't feel my growth! And it was 10 inches long!! Of course, to be fair, my growth was fluid filled, not hard like a tumor. Ugh, that House episode just wigged me out. Cause I remember that fear in my gut too, looking at the ultrasound screen thinking.. "Hmmm, big, huge, dark blob. Not normal at all." Seriously, thank you God for not giving me cancer.

What else can I ramble about before running out the door...

Okay, so my mom and I are weird. It was 93 degrees today and we made soup. So good, German knephla-- full of dough. Pretty sure I gained those 7 pounds back. So worth it though!

Oh I know! This is so sad. I try to check cnn.com often and one of today's headlines was "First time skydiver falls to her death" and next to it they had a video option as well. It just looked awful cause then it read... "First time skydiver falls to her death...WATCH." Seemed a tad insensitive. I think I'll go read it now. And thank God again that I'm also not plummeting to my death.

Okay must run. Sorry for the randomness!

The corner

My mom kept telling me that one day I would "turn a corner" and suddenly feel much better. That happened Monday. Could not be more thankful. There is still some slight discomfort with moving but mostly I feel like me again-- what more can you ask for?

I'm sad because many of my fun "get well soon" flowers are drooping. Looks like they're dying just as I get better. I have some nice plants which I am trying to keep alive and three little sheep (long story) that all have hearts on their butt. I love them so much. My hairstylist can find the craziest stuff in gift shops (and yes, I realize it's very Britney Spears of me to have my stylist visit me in the hospital, but she rules!).

Today has been busy by my standards. I helped dad buy groceries, went with dad as he paid bills, and watched as dad brought more stuff out of the apartment and back here. So it sounds lame, but it's huge that I was out and about so much! I have been living at my parents while I recover, and I'll be here for awhile until my new apartment opens up so it's very twilight zone-- I feel 13 again, sleeping in my old twin bed and waking up at "home" every day. Doesn't help that it's doctor's orders that I cannot drive for another week. Living at home AND no driving privileges? I am 13! My staples are officially out! I should be free!

I've been watching more TV than ever and generally just spending a lot of time at home thinking so here are some random opinions/thoughts for the day:

Things I hate
-- Junk mail-- especially lewd junk mail
-- R. Kelly-- lewd and no talent
-- Hmmm... perphaps lewdness in general
-- Lame, icky wife beaters who try to pretend to have a political message about family reform, when really we all know they're wife beaters... *Kind of a local rant*
-- The hype over Da Vinci Code: It's fiction. It's never claimed to be anything but. Get over it. You lame. bunches. of. overdramatic. evangelical. freaks. who. need. to. find. a. real. cause. Feed. the. poor. or. something. that's. what. Jesus. really. cares. about. not. a. movie. starring. Tom. Hanks.
-- Come to think of it, this whole Christian debate in general? Whether it's choice, gays, the damn Da Vinci Code it's always some big battleground--- Conservative vs. Liberal vs. Evangelical... UGH! Stop coming up to me and getting all personal telling me how I need to best find Jesus. Jesus and I are good, we're fine, BACK OFF. My life, my business (sorry, some bad personal experiences lately...)

Things I'm "ehhh" about
-- American Idol finale. Taylor Hicks. Whoopeeeee

Things I like
-- TCBY. Yes. Good. More some of that.
-- TV shows in the medical genre (People have gotten me into both Scrubs and House-- very different but equally entertaining.)
-- Friends who call visit, e-mail or just care. That's nice.
-- My plants. I will try so hard not to kill you!
-- Grass. Even though it makes me sneeze and sneezing hurts, it's nice to have pretty green grass to walk in.
-- Not feeling sick anymore!!!!

Hmmmm. My angry list is much longer. That's too bad. I really am in a good mood, sorry to vent. Okay, one last thing to share, my friend Christy brought over a funny movie, "Hitch" the other day, and I read this article, found it very funny and it reminded me of the movie's message. I wanted to share the wisdom.


The Hookup-- What women look for in Men
By Bridgette Williams
1. Teeth: This can’t be emphasized enough. Would you want to kiss someone whose mouth looks like he’s been nibbling on nails?
2. Breath: Make that “nails that have been soaked in a big bucket of foul badness?"
3. Hands and feet: Not because of that other urban legend. If your fingernails are nasty and your feet are funky, the rest of you can’t be far behind. (Helpful tip: There’s nothing wrong with a manly mani/pedi.)
4. Clothes: The state of your clothes hints at the state of your living quarters. A man who wears pressed khakis probably doesn’t hang them in a closet full of moldy pizza boxes.
5. Fingers: Wedding band. Duh.
6. Eyes: Specifically, where you’re looking. If she can’t be sure about the rings, she’ll follow your eyes to see if you look like the lying-cheating-no-good SOB type.
7. Your game: This one is hard to fake. Some women like shy guys, some like the aggressive kind. The one consistency, though, is all women like originality. You say: “I’ve never done this before ...“ We hear: “This has never actually worked before ..."
8. Your entourage: She’ll make a few mental notes about your friends because you’ll be talking smack about her to them later.
9. Your vibe: Coming off like a serial killer does not help.
10. The X-factor. The sound of your voice, the way you walk, your hairy arms, your long eyelashes, your dimpled chin. Something about you will strike her. It may not make her want to sleep with you, but it will make her remember you. That’s a start, assuming you pass inspection in items 1 through 9.

Just keep swimming :o)

I have had many requests to see Goliath (he's such a celebrity). You can see them by clicking here. I didn't want people to open this page and see the pictures without warning, so consider yourself warned. If you want to see it, you can check old archives. I made a post with pics.

So life is still ups and downs. I can't believe I spent so long obsessing about surgery when I should have been worried about THIS part-- the recovery. It's so ANNOYING. It feels like it's been 4 weeks, not 4 days since the surgery. Every day drags on and is full of so much pain and frustration.

Today I made the mistake of finding something funny and I got the giggles.. HUGE MISTAKE. My stomach kills now. It's best if I find everything boring. If I laugh or cry my muscles ache for hours.

I am not good when I lose my routine. And right now, I have no routine. I live minute to minute and sometimes it can take a very long time just to get up.

I am trying to make myself think positively. It could be so much worse and there is fun stuff coming up. I try and remind myself of milestones that I have to look forward to.

--The staples come out on Wednesday
--I have received many nice phone calls/flowers/cards
--My parents are taking awesome care of me
--I don't have cancer and I didn't lose a limb in Iraq
--In a few weeks I'll feel better and a friend is getting married-- fun times.
--Soon, I'll feel well enough to put on jeans & I bet a 7 pound loss can't hurt!
--Luckily I'm not in school and my job is being cool so I don't have to feel pressure to hurry up and heal. I can take the time until I feel back to normal
--The sun is shining

See... that feels good but then I'll do something like cough and I get all pissy again.

I am not a very patient person and in my warped brain I should already be FINE. Surgery be damned! Nevermind that I have a huge scar and a large object was removed from my body, I have plans darnit.

Okay so today's plan is to...
Eat
Be positive
Watch a fun movie
Take a walk
Call some friends
Brush my hair--- maybe, we'll see :) Being ugly is a perk of surgery no one can fault you for.

God grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Aftermath

Frankly, it is too soon to make any jokes about surgery. Everything is still in pain and I'm still in complete shock as to what came out of me.

7 pounds of cyst!

As in the size of a newborn infant. Thankfully my cyst/egg/infant-looking-thing was all benign. Now I have to heal my 6 inch scar and move on with my life.

Everything is really difficult: walking, coughing, breathing, speaking etc. Apparently you use your abdominal muscles for EVERYTHING. Makes me feel very sorry for anyone who has ever undergone C-section.

The craziest part of this whole thing was my surgeon actually took a picture of what came out of me. I hesitate to post it because it is so freakin' gross. If you are inclined to see what a cyst/baby/egg sized tumor thing looks like-- let me know and I'll send you a photo. But it's too much to post at the moment.

My goal for tonight is to sleep and keep food down. I am hoping life starts to be cool again soon.

Goliath-- your place in history is assured.

It is time....

5:45 am tomorrow...

Goliath is toast.

Wish me luck. Won't be posting for a bit.

See this guy.. he's gonna fix me- well actually this is just somethig I found, it's not my exact surgeon, but you get the idea. Someone fitting this description WILL fix me!!!
Oh Yeah!

Celebrating the "Done"

So yesterday I got up and turned in my last two papers of the semester. I celebrated the official end to Spring '06 by buying a bottle of wine and chopping 5 inches off my hair. This is the finished product, but keep in mind this picture was taken in the midst of sweat-inducing housework, it's not my fave photo of me, but you get the idea.

Originally my hairstylist and I were arguing. I was so sick of my hair I told her I wanted the G.I. Jane look-- we opted to compromise and just go shorter. Apparently I don't have Demi Moore's bone structure to pull off the naked head look. Ah well.

After the hair cut I picked up my last batch of birth control covered by insurance. 3 months @ $18. From now on it'll be 3 months @ $80! That is until my doctor can convince them that it's better for all humankind if my hormones are more medicated than not :P

Last night my mother called me to ask if we could go out to the Toasted Frog (brand new restaurant) to celebrate... but it was too late, it was 8 pm and I was already toasted! Damn those 2.50 teas at B.W.W.

Today should be more low key, a few college graduation parties to attend and right now, it's all about packing. I'm doing all I can before the Goliath-removal cripples me from being helpful. My goal for the day is to have all clothes packed up. It's NOT a fun job and my heart is with all you other folk who are in the midst of moving-- not fun at all.

I also have a pile of books to sell back, but that's usually so depressing I may just wait.

Happy Friday to all!

An Odd Ending

It's 2 am and I'm done. It's the weirdest finals week ever. I made it my mission tonight to get all my papers done and I did it! Took me a long time and my eyes are nearly cross-eyed but I am ready to turn in all my papers tomorrow marking an official end to my spring '06 semester. Creepy. This means I have one semester left!!! Okay, not a big deal to you cool folks who are already college grads but it's weird to me. Very twilight zone.

Perhaps because it's 2 am and I'm bleary and tired and in an annoying proofreading mentality but I feel super anxious. Now there is nothing standing in between me and the surgery. Eeep! I know it's no big deal and all but the idea of being unconscious and vulnerable while people I don't know cut me open, yeah... just not that psyched about it. Why can't we hide under the bed and avoid problems in life? I think it sounds like a solid plan.

Things to keep me calm and grounded in reality:
-- I am very excited because Christy and Ben are getting married in less than a month! This means seeing lots of friends and a happy wedding day- very fun.
-- Moving out soon, although scary and annoying (I will be useless lifting-wise) very exciting and new. As soon as I get it all cute, I can invite people over for dinner. How very desperate housewives of me... except that I'm not a housewife and not desperate... well not in that sense
-- I am strong!! School is done! I made it-- just barely -- I was 30 minutes late for my final today :) EEEP!

Something random I cooked up while taking a break from proofreading..

MY LIST ~~~You know, the list of five guys I can be with -- without Tyler getting mad at me. It was tough but here's the rough draft and I think it's pretty darn good.

1. Gerard Butler (see previous post for link with picture)
2. Rob Thomas (Yummy as a solo act or with Matchbox 20)
3. Christopher Meloni (sexing up my Tuesday nights as Elliot Stabler on Law & Order SVU)
4. Simon Baker (Buy/rent the movie “Something New” when it comes out on DVD this month—it’s worth it for a look at that sexyAussie)
5. Dominic Monaghan (Hot even as a hobbit in Lord of the Rings)

Yes, I'm bored and clearly watching too many movies with hot men. But it's a fun little list.

I think I'm gonna celebrate by taking a walk with Tyler... yeah, even at 2 am! I truthfully couldn't be happier with any other guy. Awwww, how's that for mushy?

Laziness

My first final is tomorrow. So far I haven't done much in the way of preparing. Or anything in the way of preparing. Ugh.

I have been spending a lot of time watching T.V. lately. To be fair, sometimes I do leg lifts while watching or blog (heh, like now) and yesterday I cleaned the kitchen, living room and dining room. That is at least productive.

So now I have all these things to comment on-- media wise

First of all. David Blaine. This guy spent 177 hours sumberged in a bubble of water. Then he tried to break the world record of holding his breath for more than 8 minutes. Now doctors are examining him-- they found liver damage, pain in his feet and hands, some loss of sensation and rashes. Okay, I realize the David Blaine stunt-stuff is not my scene, but does anyone else find this kind of pointless? Apparently previous stunts included balancing on a 22-inch circular platform atop a 100-foot pole for 35 hours, being buried alive in a see-through coffin for a week and surviving inside a massive block of ice for 61 hours, all of which were performed in New York. In 2003, he fasted for 44 days in a suspended acrylic box alongside the Thames River in London.

Um attention hog, much? Chill out Blaine.

Let see what else .... OH! I know. I am so sick of seeing movie previews for the Posedion. Um, hi... that preview is giving me nightmares. The movie looks exciting for sure, and can't go wrong with yummy actors like Josh Lucas and Kurt Russell (he's hot in the older guy way). But seriously, someday I may want to take a cruise and all that's shot to hell if I go see a movie like this... I don't really want images of drowning people in my mind. For this exact same reason, I have not gone to see Flight 93... just not ready to watch that.

In news of more pleasant media experiences. I saw V for Vendetta last Saturday. Very good! Musst recommend that everyone go. Tyler and I also rented the flick "Dear Frankie" a good movie, also starring Gerard Butler. Who if you didn't know, I am in love with. It's the eyes... the 6'2'' build, the Scottish accent the... drool... sorry, distracted.

The days are winding down... less than a month and I'll be living in my own apartment. I have become fascinated with furniture. Sad thing is so much of the pretty furniture is spendy. I think I have a serious addiction. I find myself surfing sites like Ethan Allen, Pier 1... I am delusional if I think I can afford any of these things but I find myself dreaming of over-stuffed chairs and ottomans.

Springfest came and went this year without much incident-- no riots or couch burning at least. This was the first year they banded students as they entered the park and set up a beer garden. Anyone caught bringing in their own alcohol was fined over $300. This was only my second springfest but it was not nearly as good as last year. It's something about standing in line for beer. Springfest is the one day before finals week where everyone gathers in the park to drink some beer, enjoy the day, listen to music and run into other people. It's not about "the man" or pumping money into some businesses beer garden. I'm not going there to get wasted or anything but the atmosphere this year was just not fun. It'll be interesting to see the letters to the editor on how other students reacted. The City is of course, calling it a huge success, but the tone of the event, from a student perspective was anger.

I am going to continue on my cleaning-streak and then perhaps sit down and get some homework done-- finally - can't ignore it much longer.

Take care!

Late night blogging

So today I became an official member of the S.T.D. club. The ceremony was very lovely and I was happy and surprised to learn I had received a scholarship! Hooray for my school giving me money- way more fun that way.

It is now countdown to the end of Goliath. 11 days until removal. I am taking some power into my own hands and prepping myself by planning fun things. Mother and I did some power shopping on Thursday and we found a delightfully fuzzy pink bathrobe. I think that will be a nice alternative to the paper gown they often give you. I'm hoping that if I fix myself up with enough fun fuzzy things and distractions, it won't be so bad. I'm planning on kicking surgery's ass. Go me.

In celebration of today being read and review day-- I did neither reading or reviewing. Rather I took a long nap, and am now watching Sex & the City. I am completely appalled because I read somewhere that they used to give actress Kristen Davis hell about her "weight." This floors me because she's a gorgeous woman who just happens to have a hint of an hourglass shape. Nice rack and hips. Don't guys want that? Bugs me so much that they could tell a woman that beautiful and healthy that she should "lose some weight."

Let's see what else is new in my little world--- Oooh fun times were had in our day of retail therapy!. Mom and I also explored the very dangerous realm of Pier 1 Imports. In June, I will be moving out into my first apartment. This means, I need to get some necessities. While poor college folk like myself would normallly go to a thrift stores or raid the parent's basement, I have delusions of grandeur... plus I got a coupon in the mail. So far I am in love with this table + these chairs. I love that the table can fold up into a cute little smaller table thing... Ugh-- That store is kind of my kryptonite. I shouldn't go there ever. Such pretty stuff and so little money. Methinks one day I should register there.

Speaking of registering... I had a great conversation with a dear friend tonight. She was saying how she was planning her own wedding-- she's not engaged yet, but as many girls know, that's not the point. Her plan was a destination wedding in the beaches of Hawaii. I'm not sure what I want out of a ceremony just yet, but I feel compelled to share my destination for a honeymoon. It's somewhere very random but I swear it's awesome and cool! Are you ready for it...

Hershey, P.A.!!

I love the look of this place. Beautiful gardens to walk in, nature trails, a historic downtown where the streetlamps are shaped like Hershey kisses! Plus many historic sites within hours. D.C. is only 2 hours away so it's day-trip accessible and Philadelphia, Baltimore etc are close by as well.

Sure, Pennsylvania doesn't sound like the romantic destination of choice but between the gorgeous hotel and this SWEET spa (har har, "sweet"get it) I think it looks fabulous! I mean who doesn't want to have a "whipped cocoa bath" or "strawberry parfait scrub" -- all while drinking champagne?

Hell. I don't have to wait for a honeymoon, I should book all this fun stuff now. Yeah... I'll need way more scholarships in order for that to go down.

Okay, it's now wayyyy too late. Enough for now.

I joined an STD club?

Last night I watched the movie The Incredibles with Tyler. Now, I've known that if Tyler and I ever had a baby boy we'd like to use the name Jack. For one thing, Tyler had a younger brother named Jack who passed away but also because there is no cuter animated baby than Jack-Jack from the Incredibles. Don't you agree? If you want a laugh, watch the mini movie "Jack Jack Attack" on disc 2 of the DVD. It makes the icky finals week more enjoyable to watch animated movies. But as many of you know, I *heart* animated movies. It's just how I roll.

Life here is getting crazy... it's technically not finals week until next week but for whatever reason, 80% of my papers and tests are due this week! This makes me cranky. We are supposed to have Read and Review day and a weekend to prepare but it's useless if everything is due right now! In fact, next week I only have one test and one paper due (yet the rough draft it due tomorrow anyway).

The surgery was scheduled and postponed already! Now it'll be May 17 when we remove Goliath. I think I'll need to drop out of summer school. My doctor has informed me I will be shacked up in the hospital for at least 3 nights and missing 3 days of summer school with 4 hours per day ... yeah, might as well just quit while I'm ahead. This throws a serious wrench into moving plans as well. My lease is up at the end of May and then I head to my new place-- This means I will be worthless in helping to lift anything. Hopefully my boyfriend and some friends will accept monetary reimbursement and cookies to carry all my junk. According to my surgeon no strenuous activity for a few weeks and "vacuuming is strenuous"-- I may milk that for all it's worth!

My dad e-mailed me this funny radio clip to cheer me up today. It's very random and silly if you'd care to listen.

AND FINALLY-- an explanation of the title of this post. I was accepted into the English honor society Sigma Tau Delta. It's very nice and I get to go to an honorary luncheon etc but I find it funny that if you abbreviate it... I am now in a group S.T.D. *sigh* They really should have reconsidered that.

Well I had this fabulous plan where I was going to send out fun CONGRATS cards to all my friends who are graduating this May, but of course, I have forgotten and let myself fall behind. No good at all. To all my friends from Kansas, to Nebraska to Montana and beyond-- I love you and please know that I will be clapping from afar as you walk across the stage! I'll be all done this December which seems ages away for me, I can't imagine how exciting this must be! Hooray for you! You made it through the madness!

The highlight of tonight will be a new Law & Order SVU. Other than that, I'm a slave to my computer writing papers. My life is so random. I hate this time. Everything seems hopeless and daunting. Ah the joy of finals.