My last "first"

Today is my first day of my last semester in college. I wish I could say I was really thinking about this one, looking back on the start of kindergarten, high school etc, but mostly I'm just tired. December seems so far off that this day seems hardly more consequential than tax day.

However, I won't be surprised if next thing I know I'm being shoved up on stage to grab my degree. That will be weird. What did I do to get here, really? I vaguley remember reading "Paradise Lost" and taking some weird science classes that I fumbled through. But what did I LEARN?

I think the real gems of knowledge I learned in college came in 85% out-of-class experiences. Watching myself branch out, struggle, fall down, get back up again... Tyler and I were driving around UND the other day and there were kids everywhere! All the dorm lights were blazing and people were standing on the lawn of every frat, conspicuous blue dixie cup in hand. Tyler turned to me and said, "I don't really want to go back but I kind of miss those freshman days when you went out walking every night with your friends and college seemed like such a huge adventure." .... Yeah, I thought... I spent half my freshman year taking mood elevators and sitting in a therapist office trying to figure shit out.

Okay sure, I didn't have that "common" experience, I had my own, and it was an adventure too. It was the "I'm on a rollercoaster and I want to get off and perhaps puke" sort of adventure. But I made it through and it taught me a lot. And by my sophomore year I was ready to hold that blue cup and make a fool out of myself :) Now that this is coming to a close (says the girl who hasn't been to one class yet), I can't help but have doubts.

Did I do all that I should? Was I supposed to travel abroad? Join a sorority? Was I supposed to stay in Lincoln and discover I want to be a botanist, be born again and meet a guy named Todd at Campus Crusade for Christ? HA! Okay that last one probably not, but what if Lincoln was where I was supposed to be? I had never doubted my decision to come back until now, when suddenly I'm re-evaluating all my college decisions thus far!!! Ugh. High school was easier. They put you in every class and you got to pick ONE elective, like either band or auto shop or something.

I guess if I panic and want a college "do-over" I could always just go to grad school :) That's not a slam to you grad-schoolers, just remarking on how funny it would be to tell my parents, "Hey, I think I'll go to grad school" and watch their heads explode.

One hour until I should leave my apartment for class.... oh boy. This means I should get going. Wish me luck and wish me confidence in my decisions.