Rut

I'm in a rut. Nothing serious or anything. It's not like I'm unhappy. I'm just in a rut. Every day the weather is rainy/stormy. Every Wednesday I play softball. Every day I sit at my desk and think to myself, "lame lame lame lame lame."

I have been applying for little things here and there again. I hate that change makes me so anxious - even when I'm clearly in the wrong job, I'm reluctant to change. See cause... I know exactly what to expect from my life here. I know the people I work with (I even like most of them!) and I know what I can get away with (blogging while it's slow, for instance) so the idea of a new place, new people and new set of rules doesn't so much excite me as it does terrify me.

How weak is that? I need to quit being so scared. I need to get out of a rut and find my passion. But as long as we're complaining... I just need to vent that I HATE job applications. With a burning passion. I feel incredibly uncomfortable pointing out whatever positive attribute I might have. Is that a German thing? We're just more comfortable criticizing ourselves? Maybe it's a woman thing? Like, girls shouldn't toot their own horns so much, it makes 'em look arrogant or snobby. Guys seem self-assured, girls seem like stuck-up beyotches.

I hope not, cause I'm applying for something that I really, REALLY want a shot at. I'm too nervous to even discuss it here for fear I might jinx it. I just ask that you send good thoughts my way. I think the Universe could throw me a bone on this one because I've been in a weird holding pattern since college graduation and I'd like a wacky, crazy, scare-the-shit out of myself opportunity to come my way. It'd be good for me.

In more laid back news, my mom came by this weekend. I took her to Sex and the City, which she LOVED (she even blogged about it). I figured she'd point out the bad character decisions and get hung up on them. Instead we had a lot of fun. The movie even held her attention for 2+ hours (and my mother has a self-admitted case of adult ADD). We must have caught the shopping bug from the movie, because then we blew way too much money at the mall and Barnes & Noble *they had their buy 2 DVDs get the 3rd free sale* I also finally got flowers for my balcony pots. It's nice to see greenery again. When they re-bloom (mom made me pinch them all back) I will take pictures.

16 days until the movie Wall E comes out! (I've been pumped since March)
36 days until Spence and I have our "VEGAS BABY!" trip
?? days until I find out if I got my shot at something crazy and new

Wish me luck and I wish you a rut-less, exciting existance!