Whodathunk?

Wow. My first job outta college is nothing like I would have imagined.

For one, my first stop today was at a porn shop (they are kind enough to let us use their free customer parking rather than a pay-to-park downtown lot). It's odd being in a porn shop at 8 am but even odder when they are so polite and professional. Not that I expect porn shop workers to be gross but it's so weird to get that kind of treatment when you're surounded by dildos.

Next, I spent all day in the most serious of situations... a small room with woman after woman-- all who were about to have abortions.

"Nervous" does not begin to describe my emotions. But really, my job was only to watch. I will be a patient advocate eventually but for now I am training. My job will be taking vitals like blood pressure, temp and then going over the logistics of the abortion. But also I have to ask "How do you feel about being here?" "Do you have a support system today?" And be the word of authority on whether or not this woman (or sometimes, girl) is sent down to the O.R.

Most women today were very calm and collected about their decisions. For some it wasn't their first time having the procedure. Many others, most my age, seemed nervous but thankful to be there. Only two cried.

Every woman got birth control prescriptions, counseling and a lot of great information but I couldn't help wanting to leave with all of them and make sure everything went okay later on too. But I can't "save" anyone from pain, I can only try and make sure they know they are safe, respected and cared for while they are with me. Which is only for 15 minutes.

It's frustrating because seeing all these women who needed us and were so thankful for the option just makes me want to fight anti-choice legislation all the harder. One woman said, "I'd rather die than have this baby." I believe her. She wouldn't be the first one.

My last girl kept crying. She said, "I can't make up my mind. Neither can my boyfriend. But we drove for hours to get here today!"

I told her that she shouldnt' base this type of decision on how long her drive was. She wasn't that far along. She had more time to think it over so it didn't have to be now or never. She left with some information and decided against it "for now." When she walked towarded her boyfriend, sheepish and teary eyed, he rose to embrace her and I thought *(though maybe it was my imagination) that he looked relieved. Maybe he's just very supportive.

Either way, I found myself secretly happy for her. Not because I think abortion is wrong but because I know it would have been wrong for her today. And I know that if she changes her mind she has the choice, the right and a safe environment.

This is likely the last time I will talk about this job on "this" blog, due to the controversial nature of the choice debate.

However, I just wanted to let you know that I have my first post-college job and I couldn't be more proud of it. I just hope I'm woman enough to handle the emotional strain. Especially since my training will eventually take me down to the O.R. to be with the woman DURING the procedure. That is making me nervous... but we'll see, I want to be a hand they can hold...